Consequences of violence
Domestic and family violence has consequences for everyone; the victim, the witnesses (often children) and the aggressor. Our experience shows us that it is from the moment when the aggressor becomes aware and stops denying the (sometimes very subtle) consequences of his actions that he develops the necessary motivation to take action and change once and for all. all.
Possible consequences for the victim
- Guilt. Being able to feel responsible for his/her partner's violence, the victim believes that by adapting the other's behavior he/she will calm down and the violence will stop. However, this adaptation is in reality only the adoption of attitudes of submission and fear such as: remaining silent, being kind, obeying, avoiding certain subjects, stopping seeing a particular person, ensuring that children don't bother, etc.
- Loss of dignity
- Fear
- Stress, anxiety
- Forgetting his/her own anger that he/she represses
- Inability to clearly assess the situation (alienation)
- Psychological and emotional instability
- Loss of self-esteem
- Tendency to lie to those around you to avoid revealing the violence
- Isolation
- Shame
- Somatization (physical problems caused by stress and anxiety)
- Insomnia
- Depression
- Suicidal thoughts
- Death by homicide and/or suicide
Possible consequences for children
Children who witness domestic violence are those who are subjected to scenes of domestic violence and/or the results of this violence, either by:
In fact, many children who witness violence display behaviors such as:
- Direct observations
- Indirect observations (hearing words and behaviors without being in the room)
- Exposures to the results of violence:
- By noting the abuse suffered (bruises, injuries)
- Noticing the damage in the house
- By the visit of the police
- By observing their parents' behavior (crying, discouragement, etc.)
In fact, many children who witness violence display behaviors such as:
- Physical attacks or indirect attacks on others
- Emotional disorders
- Put the blame on them, blame themselves
- Hyperactivity, learning problems, difficulty concentrating at school
- Committing property crimes
- Being violent towards younger siblings, pets and later towards parents
- Psychological, social, cognitive, physical and behavioral maladjustment problems
- Lower level of social skills
- Higher rate of depression, worry and frustration
- Suffering from stress-related problems
- Show lower levels of empathy
- Perpetuate the cycle of violence in their future relationship
- Hostility
- Assaults
- Depressions
- Fears
- Somatic symptoms
Possible consequences for the attacker
Although violence can lead to the impression of being advantageous in the short term such as the feeling of having power and being respected, the man with violent behavior who adequately analyzes his situation comes to see that his behavior enormously reduces his quality of life.
CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN AT RISK OF USING VIOLENT BEHAVIORS
At Homme Alternative, we view the situation of each man we meet as completely unique. We therefore try to adapt our interventions so that they best meet the specific needs of each person.
However, research and our experience in the field allow us to establish certain characteristics likely to lead to violence in couple and/or family relationships. Obviously, the men we meet do not demonstrate all of these characteristics. However, the more they accumulate, the greater the risk of violence.
CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN AT RISK OF USING VIOLENT BEHAVIORS
At Homme Alternative, we view the situation of each man we meet as completely unique. We therefore try to adapt our interventions so that they best meet the specific needs of each person.
However, research and our experience in the field allow us to establish certain characteristics likely to lead to violence in couple and/or family relationships. Obviously, the men we meet do not demonstrate all of these characteristics. However, the more they accumulate, the greater the risk of violence.
- He witnessed or experienced violence when he was young
- It tends to be anchored in sexual stereotypes (“men don't cry,” “they bring home the money,” “they wear the pants”).
- He tends to take responsibility for his past (“I was abused when I was young”, “I was raised like that”)
- He has become accustomed to defending himself and being respected through violence
- Forgetting his/her own anger that he/she represses
- He tends to view the expression of emotions and problems as a sign of weakness.
- He has difficulty expressing his/her needs clearly and directly to his/her partner, which leads him/her to feel misunderstood and disrespected.
- He tends to repress frustrations to avoid conflicts and to express them aggressively when he can't take it anymore.
- He has great difficulty setting his limits and when he establishes them, he has difficulty having them respected, hence the impression that he is being abused.
- When he is interested in what motivates the behavior of others, it is often to get them to behave according to his logic.
- He tends to believe that his way of seeing things is the only acceptable way. He has very strong and rigid ideas about what is “normal” and what is not.
- He doesn't know how to react in stressful situations to gain respect without being rejected.
- He is rather proud, often too ashamed of himself to admit his wrongs
- He has difficulty tolerating psychological suffering, he tries to escape it, to deny it
- He experiences a lot of sexual dissatisfaction, but he has great difficulty talking about it clearly with his/her intimate partner.
- He tends to blame his partner or his children for his violent behavior (“they provoke me, but they know what I am”).
- He tends to make others have worse intentions than they actually have.
- He has difficulty accepting criticism and reproaches even when they are justified.
- He tends to have unrealistic expectations (conscious or unconscious) of himself and others
- He has difficulty controlling his behavior when he has consumed alcohol or drugs
- He doesn't really believe that his violent behavior can have negative consequences on those close to him
- He believes that his violent behavior is stronger than him (“I'm losing control”, “I don't know what I'm doing anymore”).
- He tends to make those close to him (his partner and his children) suffer the frustrations he experiences outside the home and which he has not managed to express in due time.
- He believes that the whole world is violent, hostile and difficult to live in and that violence is the only way to survive
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90, Girouard Victoriaville, Quebec G6P 5T5Canada |
Phone:
819-357-5757
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E-mail: info@hommealternative.com
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